Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Tiarwen's LiveJournal:

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Monday, January 3rd, 2005
7:54 pm	too weak to live, not strong enough to die why cant i just give up? im a worthless, pathetic, miserable, useless, excuse for a human being. and i want to fucking die. but no. i have a huge pile of hw, some work for Forensics, exams start a week from Friday and i dont know how to deal. i would love to slit my wrists and go to sleep, never to wake up. or pop a whole bottle of pills and overload my body systems. and i cant. cant leave this fucking world that i dont belong in, cant undone all the pain ive caused, cant hurt anymore people. i wake every morning, knowing that i dont want to be here. i dont live for myself, i live for all the people i would hurt if i died. if i make it thru the week w/o a major freak out it'll be amazing. i can feel it coming already. even worse than it is now, that feeling of suffocating but not dying. being crushed under a blouder but still alive. my light of hope at the end of the tunnel of dispair had gone out. i cant see the point in living. why do i even try. im too weak to live, but not strong enough to die. Current Mood: suicidal Current Music: sum 41 (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
5:08 pm	GUESS WHOSE GONA BE IN SCHOOL TOMORROW?!?!?!?!?! thats rights its yours truely. cant wait to see everyone. .katy. Current Mood: excited Current Music: killers (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
5:33 pm	I AM NOT CRAZY its amazing how one comment from one person can turn your day upside down. im not in a fucking loony bin, asshole. get it right. not that he'll read this. but o well. .katy. Current Music: evanescence (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 27th, 2004
1:00 am	<-- new icon/user pic thing. i like it. its me. so. my thanksgiving. ok i guess. my cousins were ok and my aunts and uncles were cool as always. went shopping w/ my aun susie and cousin-in-law janette this morning. it was fun. so yea. i think im gona go watch a movie now. byes. Current Music: the killers (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 21st, 2004
12:09 pm	wow.... saturday night/very early sunday morning = most fun ive had in a while.... if ya wana know, im me. ill just say it involved sneaking out, "borrowing" my dad's car, driving to qo and the kentlands and some other stuff. :-D Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: sugarcult (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 18th, 2004
10:38 pm	my life is offically upside-down now. (but not in a 'Alice in Wonderland' kinda thing. that would be better than what is happening to me now.) Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 10th, 2004
4:30 pm	i hate my life. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 9th, 2004
3:41 pm	haha funness. *Thirteen random things you like* 1. food 2. friends 3. aim 4. poetry 5. guys (for the most part) 6. family 7. books 8. personal space 9. music 10. computer/internet 11. movies 12. mall 13. shopping *Twelve Movies* 1. Star Wars (all) 2. HP 3 3. Finding Nemo 4. LOTR 5. Man on Fire 6. The Ring 7. The Italian Job 8. Van Helsing 9. Thirteen Ghosts 10. Big Fish 11. Pirates of the Caribbean 12. Spiderman 1 and 2 *Eleven Good Artists/Bands* 1. Billy Talent 2. nfg 3. Metallica 4. Coheed and Cambria 5. The Donnas 6. blink-182 7. Mary Chapin Carpenter 8. Incubus 9. RHCP 10. Papa Roach 11. Linkin Park *Ten Things About You Physically* 1. blue eyes 2. brown hair 3. tall-ish 4. black nails 5. massive shin-guard tan from field hockey 6. lots of scars 7. 2 piercings in left ear, 3 in right 8. sprained wrist (at the moment) 9. big feet 10. pale *Nine Good Friends* [in no order] 1. carly 2. ema 3. meghan 4. bri 5. teresa 6. matt 7. robert 8. susan 9. em *Eight Favorite Foods* 1. pasta 2. ice cream 3. vanilla latte 4. pizza 5. tea 6. chocolate 7. diet soda 8. apple *Seven Things You Wear Daily* 1. jewelry 2. pants 3. shirt 4. make-up 5. shoes 6. socks 7. undergarmets (lol funny word) *Six Things That Annoy You* 1. arrogance 2. most people 3. doing stupid things for attention 4. 'pro-life anti-gay-marriage' people 5. ignorace 6. discrimination *Five Things You Touch Daily* 1. the computer 2. the phone 3. my purse 4. the car 5. my shoes (lol i couldnt think of anything else) *Four TV Shows You Watch* 1. Real World Philadelphia 2. Battle of the Sexes 2 3. totally obsessed 4. whatever's on that interests me basically *Three Celebrities You Have a Crush on* 1. Tom Felton 2. Dom Monaghan 3. Ian D'Sa *Two Things You Can't Live Without* 1. my dad 2. my religion *Name One Thing You Want More Than Anything* 1. to be happy with myself and my life. woo. .tiar. Current Mood: content (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 7th, 2004
3:49 pm	yea this is the third tim ive updated today but thats ok. Who was the last person... [1] You touched? my dad [2] You talked to? my dad [3] You hugged? my dad [4] You instant messaged? cali [5] You kissed? hm... duno [6] You yelled at? dont remember [7] You laughed with? car and matt [8] You had a crush on? i aint telling Name four drinks you regularly drink: [1] diet soda [2] water [3] gatorade [4] tea Name four random facts about yourself: [1] im turning 16 next saturday [2] i got a new computer today [3] im depressed [4] i need to write that NSL paper Have you ever... [1] Fallen for a friend? yea [2] Made out with JUST a friend? never [3] Been rejected? who hasnt [4] Been in lust? yea [5] Used someone? nooooo [6] Ever been used? i dont think so, but i could be wrong [7] Cheated? no [8] Been cheated on? not that i know of [9] Done something you regret? regret is a wasted emotion [10] Can you list a few of them? ... Do you..? [1] Color your hair? yea [2] Have tattoos? not yet [3] Have Piercing(s)? two in my left ear, 3 in the right [4] Have a boy/girl friend? nope [5] Floss daily? who the hell does? [6] Like to groove to the music? at times [7] Think you are cultured? nope [8] Like to drive fast? yes. its fun. [9] Believe in God or Devil? nope [10] Believe in The Closet Monster? not really Miscellaneous Questions! [1] What should you be doing right now? writing my nsl paper [2] What are you listening to? leann rimes [3] Can you do anything freakish with your body? no [4] Chicken or fish? chicken [5] Favorite Season? autumn [6] Is ice cream the best thing in the world? no [7] What would your dream date be? w/ someone i really like [8] Silver, gold or platinum? platinum [9] Candle lit dinner in a restaurant or at home? *shrug* [10] Roses or wild flowers? roses [11] Silly or serious romance? both [12] What CD is in your CD player right now? sugarcult [13] Who was your favourite Spice Girl? i didnt like spice girls [14] Favorite Disney Characters? eeyore and toluse (the little orange kitten from the aristocats) [15] Favorite fast food? wendy's [16] Favorite book(s)? Eragon, The Vampire Armand [17] Favorite Sports teams? duno.... [18] Favorite song? Failure's Not Flattering by NFG (at the moment) [19] What room is your computer in? the basement [20] What is your shoe size? 9-ish [21] Happy or Scary movies? depends [22] What will you be when you grow up? the question should be "if you grow up" [23] Who do you consider your best friend? carly Current Mood: blank Current Music: leann rimes (Comment on this)
3:25 pm	according to mentalhelp.net, "You appear to be suffering from moderate to severe depressive symptoms commonly associated with serious depressive disorders" joy. (Comment on this)
12:49 pm	im back finally - a computer at my house that works! gees i havent been online in so flipping long. so glad to be back. even tho the only crap ill probly write in here is how depressed i am and all that fun stuff. but o well. i turn 16 on saturday... i somehow feel like i should be more excited. 63% of aim downloaded so far. yea thats about it. ill be back. .tiar. Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: nfg (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004
7:13 pm	wow a computer that works. yea hi all. life's been.... decent recently. field hockey's over, we had a winning season (5-4-1 if anyone wants to know). indoor track doesnt start for a few weeks so ive been riding the bus home for three days! it feels sooo weird to ride the bus... its like, i have 3 extra hrs to do whatever. and i duno wat to do w/ myself. yea anyway. that about all for now. .tiar. ^i stole it from bri. so sue me. :-P^ Current Mood: creative (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 3rd, 2004
11:04 am	omgs i havent been able to get online in like forever. my comp at home is being a fucktard. yea ive been kinda down lately. but i think its better now. im at tefis i slept over last night along w/ other ppls. omgs someone called the cops last night cuz some ppl were being loud nearby and hunter and i were sitting outside and they came over and talked to us and were like 'have u seen any kids marooning around?' (lmao, wtf, marooning around???) and yea they were really scary. and that was my story for the day. and yea. hmm. football game was on friday, we won haha stupid damacus. yea for some reason i was crying at the football game it was odd. yesterday i went shopping w/ teresa and pallavi it was fun. and yea im done. ~tiar Current Mood: content Current Music: listening to hunter and tefi and michelle and libby talk (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 19th, 2004
1:58 am	how the hell is it already 2 am??? ah well whatever. today (meaning saturday, which was technically yesterday, but ya get the point.) i went to michelle's house at 7:30 w/ matt and carly . we attempted to play pool but that didnt work so well. and then we watched pirates of the caribbean. got home at like midnight. and yea. im probly gona go watch another movie or something. lol last i time this happened i was up till 5 am. fun stuffs. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 15th, 2004
8:49 pm	well i think today was a good day. i happened to like having practice in the rain, i thought it was fun. there is absolutly NO reason for me to be feeling down and yet im like a quater of a cenitmeter close to cutting. but i wont. for kara. *sigh* im just gona watch movies all night and try to feel better about stuff. teresa was telling me today that im paranoid. hells no im not. he definetly thinks im a bitch, and hes not gona admit it for whatever reason, to me or her, cuz he knows that it would get back to me. and shes definitly lost respect for me. well, ya kno what, im sry that i had a good time and that i had some unexpected consequences, but im not like u and if i chose to go out and do that, thats really none of ur business. and yea im gona stop b4 i go into spazism of anger. peace. ~tiar Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: billy talent - standing in the rain (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 12th, 2004
2:42 pm	im sry im a bitch. im sry that i have like no self esteem. im sry that i cut. im sry that i dont agree with u. im sry that im not fake happy nice all the time. im sry that i hate big gatherings. im sry that i refuse to be ur defintion of normal. im sry that i think so much. im sry that i like to be alone. im sry that i trust too much. im sry that i talk too much. im sry that i share every experiance with everyone. im sry that i daydream so much. im sry for being true to myself. no im fucking not. thats who i fucking am and ya kno what, if it bothers u than fucking leave me alone cuz im not gona change for you. i AM sorry that im not a good friend, and that i dont try hard enough to be there for anyone who needs me. i AM sorry that ive let ppl down. i AM sry that i havent been as dedicated to my religion as i should be. i am gona try to do better. ~tiar (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, September 6th, 2004
8:05 pm	omgs. today was so much fuckin fun. but im so screwed when i get to school tomorrow. dammit. Current Mood: bouncy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
8:31 pm	ive made it an objective of mine not to let other ppl get me down. i dont mean like other ppl making me feel bad about myself cuz theyre teasing me or watevr, but i have this tendancy that wen one of my friends is feeling depressed or something and they tell me about it, i start to feel depressed too. and then im like wait, i have no reason to be depressed. and it sux, cuz the depression "gene" runs in my family, so im more prone to it than other ppl. so yea. the only reason im not feeling good right now is cuz i just had a lactose reaction to the milkshake i had at dinner. but im also trying not to pretend to be happy when im not cuz i kno i did that a lot last year and im tired of being fake. so yea. im done now. Current Mood: determined (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 29th, 2004
7:18 pm	well i actually enjoyed my last day of summer. went to brunch w/ my dad, then went to a movie w/ t, went back to t's house, talked and listened to music, dyed her hair, came home. i guess im as ready as ill b for school. saw susan and em walking em's dog when t's dad was driving me home. dude ive missed t. she and i talked about so much. and yea im done. ~tiar Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Friday, August 27th, 2004
1:15 pm	ive got field hockey practice from 2:30 to 4-ish today (YAY!! SHORT PRACTICE!!!!) cuz weve got pictures. sunday t and i r goin to see 'vanity fair' aw i miss her i havent seen t in a while. yesterday i went shopping w/ my dad and got my homecoming dress. which was actually a complete accident since i was just browsing and decided to try it one and i like fell in love w/ it. and yea thats about all. buhbyes. ~tiar Current Mood: okay Current Music: opiate for the masses (1 Comment |Comment on this)